Every morning for the last three weeks on my way to work I've come face to face with a huge blown up picture of Keira Knightley in an advertisement for the National Portrait Gallery's 2012 Photographic Portrait Prize. I wouldn't mind, after all she is beautiful, but it's the pout. The pout just bothers me.
In past interviews she's claimed her pursed lips are a nervous thing, but sorry Keira, that doesn't wash with me. After years attempting to perfect my photo face, I've gone through the wide eyed half smile (bit mental looking), the side smile (border-line stroke victim), the all-out teeth bared grimace, the mouth closed super gurn and of course the pout. While noting the latter does enhance cheek bones and generally make my face appear thinner, I also noted that it's not appropriate in family portraits, wedding pictures, corporate photographs or anything remotely serious as you look like a fool. Keira has a beautiful smile, great teeth and well-defined cheek bones. I just don't understand it.
As there's only so much one can complain about Keira Knightley's photo face, I thought I'd list the other persistent offenders that irritate me: Kristen Stewart - Never smiles for pictures. NEVER. While I do have massive respect for the whole changing into trainers on the red carpet thing, I challenge you to find a picture of her smiling for a photo.
Victoria Beckham - I just wish the pout had been left behind with 'Posh' and platform trainers.
Milly Mackintosh - You know, the one from Made in Chelsea, pouts all the time. Not Caggy, the other one.
Katie Price - Because she should be in every list of annoying celebrities. She also pouts like a beast.
Angelina Jolie - I have to concede that it's not actually her pout that annoys me, but as her lips are almost as famous as Angelina herself I can get away with including her here.
Kristina Rei - AKA the Russian woman with the world's biggest Jessica Rabbit lips. What can I say? At least she's happy, I quote: "I think I look fantastic and it makes me happy. Sometimes strangers shout names at me in the street - like big lips - but I don't care." Brilliant. Megan Fox - Because everyone in the office told me I had to include her. Oh and in case you're interested, I've settled on a media-friendly wide grin with Tyra Bank's smise thrown in.